Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize