just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
