Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
nutella sex= disaster
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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