I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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