carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
