Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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