Umm I'm too high to move.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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