I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
