i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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