I want to have your abortion
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
