You made me cry and you don't even care
I am spending my child support on dildos
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
