Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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