Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
