You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
