So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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