sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
