We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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