So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
