so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
