24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
