I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
