youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
