O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize