I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
