Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
