I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
