I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i now understand why vodka
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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