My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
