saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
