if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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