Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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