You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
