We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I deserve this hangover.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
