but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize