I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
