I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
