Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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