i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
