I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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