you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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