when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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