one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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