It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
