They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
