What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize