i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
