I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
