So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
