she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
