i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize