He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
