When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
