i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
