Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This house was built for laser tag.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
