people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
