wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Everything about him screamed your future.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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