Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
