oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
