Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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