know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
