Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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