I accidentally had phone sex last night
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
