if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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