im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
