Sry I called you an 8
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
