Where is the hickey?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
