We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
