my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
