She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
