The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
