The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize