They should really pass out barf bags in church
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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