i think my tv is drunk
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
this just has baby written all over it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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