sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
