my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
