That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
