i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
