My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
