we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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